Monday, March 07, 2005

Paradise Lost

Location: Nassau, Bahamas, Atlantis Resort

Well, after a few days at Atlantis I have to tell you: I am not impressed.


Well, that’s not completely true. You have to be impressed with the audacity of the place. I mean, sharks outside your restaurant window?

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And how’s this for a lobby?

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But really, it’s too much Vegas, but without the benefit of really great restaurants and strippers. Everything is a mile wide and an inch deep, and the theme of the place … the lost city of Atlantis? Well, it’s just a bit too Mickey Mouse for my taste.

That said, the place seems to be teeming with people—absolutely packed. Young, old, families, spring breakers, rich dudes from the Caymans … they’re all here. Most of them aren’t wearing much, which admittedly has some benefits.

Story of the trip so far: I go down this morning to get a cup of jo and there are two college-age guys at the coffee bar. One is wearing a white T-shirt and boxers. The other is putting on his pants.

I ask “what gives,” and come to learn that they had been with some girls in the hot tub and in returning to their room had to cross the casino floor. In doing so security told them they had to wear their shirts, which apparently, they were not doing at the time. So in protest of this restriction of their individuality, they put on their shirts … and took off their pants.

Boxers, it appears, are no problem at 5:30 a.m. in the Atlantis, as long as you’re wearing a shirt.

But with the exception of that interlude and the food at the deli here, being here is generally a pain in the ass. Room service is limited and the wait’s an hour. The gym doesn’t open until 6:30, and costs $15. The amenities in the rooms are Holiday Inn quality. No restaurant in the place can take you as a walk-up. The staff is generally unfriendly, with a few bright spots. No coffee in the rooms. No coffee at all, anywhere, before 6 a.m. (!!). It’s five star prices for three star quality all ‘round.

If I were 15, this place would be perfect. But I’m not. And it’s been 10 days on the road away from Wifey, and I can’t wait to come home.

2 Comments:

At 5:39 AM, Blogger The Bookman said...

You should have joined those college boys in their protest. After all, you have great legs.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger mediaguru @ HookedOnGolfBlog.com said...

Gotta have strippers. Gotta have strippers.

 

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